[son makes rare phone call to adoring mother - highlight]: "Mom, you know how you have been worrying that I am not washing my clothes ever since my foot started to rot last semester?"
Mother: "I remember."
Son: "Well, I've been washing my clothes, I have, Mom [mother snorts], but I learned something yesterday. This girl at the laundromat asked me if I didn't ever use detergent. I said, well of course I do it's right here, and I showed her my bottle of Downy. She looked like she felt sorry for me and told me it wasn't detergent. It's all I've been using since school started."
Mother: "So let me get this straight. For seven months, you've been washing your perfectly revolting clothes in fabric softener and they've only been getting..."
Son: "...really soft."